The Drop
BDFL Week 3
First Down Syndrome takes No. 1
Brad got promoted at work and First Down Syndrome is 6-0. Brock Bowers did the actual work with 39.6, but Brad is the one updating LinkedIn. Bidet Boys lost by 8 and would like to speak to HR.
Week 4 is First Down Syndrome (6-0) vs TERMINABERS (0-6). Vegas has taken the game off the board.
arrows = moves since Week 2
playoff line. velvet rope. no entry.
162.68 or bust
Show-off.
0.43 short. Zoom in. We'll wait.
Won anyway. The median is a state of mind.
59.93 below. Visible from space.
Only four teams got their scores printed in the league wrap. The other six are pleading the Fifth.
all five bouts
Decision
def. Bidet Boys by 8
An eight-point win puts First Down Syndrome on top. Brock Bowers did the loud work with 39.6. Harold Fannin's 31.1 kept Bidet Boys respectable, which is the nicest thing anyone will say about them this week.
Bowers 39.6 for the winners. Fannin 31.1 in defeat.
Ugly W
def. Red(zone) Rockets 162.25 pts
Sacks & Muffs wins with 162.25 and still gets bumped out of first. Chris Olave and Davante Adams did just enough. Jaxon Smith-Njigba drops 47.5 for the Rockets, who slide from third to fifth. Kuder finally finds a winning bet. Unfortunately, it was on his opponent wasting 47.5 points.
JSN 47.5, wasted. Olave and Adams, adequate.
Shootout
def. Colorado Bulldogs 206.6 pts
TTT hangs 206.6 even with De'Von Achane contributing 1.7. Jahmyr Gibbs carried the flamethrower. The Bulldogs got 34.35 from waiver pickup Tyler Shough, posted the second-best score, and lost anyway. These Colorado OGs skip the league chatter, never the draft. This week, their score did all the talking. The schedule told it to shut the fuck up.
Gibbs, flamethrower. Achane, 1.7. Shough, 34.35 in vain.
KO
def. TERMINABERS by 39.15
141.90 to 102.75. Father and son bhitt24 takes the win behind Garrett Wilson and Matthew Stafford. Dad is a successful surgeon in his first fantasy season. He knows a hopeless case when he sees one. Enter TERMINABERS. George Pickens was the only one of ours with a pulse.
Wilson and Stafford for the win. Pickens, alone.
Upset
def. 21 inches soft by 40
The only true upset on the slate. Ja'Marr Chase led jerryjonesmonies to a 40-point win. Michael Wilson's 36.9 for the losers was decorative trim on a condemned house. They swap eighth and ninth. Holdbrook writes golf-pool recaps funnier than this entire publication. Expect his next writeout to ask who let me near a keyboard.
Chase led. Michael Wilson 36.9, ornamental.
tap a card to flip it
team of the week!
206.6 points, most in the league
Fifth to third in one Sunday, with a starter who scored 1.7 riding along like a shopping cart with one bad wheel. Jahmyr Gibbs brought the flamethrower. Last week's loss is officially old news, and the top of the table has a fresh problem.
weekly lowlights
Guilty
Editor's note: Larry supplies the analysis. I supply the newsletter. Neither of us supplies a win.
Released
Robbed
not legally binding
First Down Syndrome
Everything is going your way, which is exactly when the universe starts taking notes. You face a winless team this week. The stars are not worried for you.
Sacks & Muffs
Kuder, your rebel league has crazy rules, no organization, and a payout structure that needs subtitles. I quit. The stars recommend that you spend less time reinventing fantasy and more time starting the guy with 41.45 points.
TTT
You exploded last week. Remember that fireworks end in smoke and a lot of cleanup. Achane owes you about 20 points. Collect.
Bidet Boys
4-2, fourth place, and nobody is talking about you. That's a power move. Stay clean, stay quiet, stay dangerous.
Red(zone) Rockets
Two brothers. One of them founded this league with me. A lovely wife, cute kids, and a competitive streak that needs its own probation officer. When she clears him for takeoff, the family man becomes a fucking lunatic. Lucky number: 47.5. Get the rest of the roster involved.
bhitt24
You're standing right on the playoff line. Don't look down. Actually, do. Four teams sit below you, and three of them look hungry.
Colorado Bulldogs
Karma owes you one. Karma is famously bad at paying people back. Keep the receipt anyway.
jerryjonesmonies
Momentum is on your side. So is regression to the mean, sitting quietly in the corner, stretching.
21 inches soft
Three straight losses. A change is coming. It might be luck. It might be the waiver wire. Check both.
TERMINABERS
Your stars have finally aligned. Unfortunately, three of them play for the Giants. Next up is the unbeaten team in first place. Light a candle.
rates negotiable
For saleOne (1) Week 3 lineup. 102.75 points, never been above the median, two careless owners. Make an offer. Any offer. Contact TERMINABERS.
LostMedian win, last seen 0.43 points away. Answers to "Sam." Reward offered, no questions asked. Contact Sacks & Muffs.
WantedRefund for the league's second-highest score, which bought exactly zero wins. Will accept store credit. Colorado Bulldogs.
Free to good home1.7 fantasy points, barely used. Owner has no further need for them. Ask TTT.
Trade partner wantedWinless team seeks literally anyone. Has $77 in FAAB and nothing to lose. TERMINABERS.
ServicesGolf pools, writeouts, and unsolicited editorial criticism. Contact Holdbrook, jerryjonesmonies. This newsletter is about to get its own review.